What Now?

Hi reader,

It’s been a while. Months. If you haven’t forgotten who I am, then perhaps you’re wondering where I am, or what I’ve been doing, or why I’ve not written for so long? Last question first – stuff, just stuff, and I’m sorry for not writing for so long. You missed me, right? I knew it. Okay so where am I now – the Isle of Man. For real. I moved country in early February this year and I’ll fill you in about that in a moment because that all comes under what I’ve been doing.

So firstly I want to give an update of me, generally.

It’s been a year since I had my accident and I’m doing really well now. I’m as able as I think I can be but not as fit as I used to be or will be, I just need to do more. So I can walk, cycle, climb, all that but not as strong or as fast or for the same duration or intensity. That’s amazing right? However, there are some things that bother me -the nerve sensation in my leg is still numbed with occasional intense pain; my back is weaker and my core is less developed (i think if I strengthen my core again I’ll start sorting out more of the back issues); and there are some mental effects still lingering such as confidence in some things, willingness to actually go and do things (well I want to, but I don’t think it’s laziness that stops me from walking outside) and sometimes I get some not-so-good thoughts about myself. I’ve only been out cycling twice in the last year (well in the last month) and on the first occasion I heard two vehicles come from behind that stirred up a bit of a moment for me.

Currently (for the last three weeks) I’ve been having small painful, itchy outbreaks on my leg around the scar tissue. Raised, lumpy skin. I’ve tried to ignore it for the last three weeks but now I’m trying using some antihistamine cream which seems to work. However it’s not predictable which area of my leg will suddenly swell a bit and get itchy because it’s not regular and i haven’t found a trigger for it? But mainly around the scar tissues from last year which I guess are weaker areas of skin? I’m no dermatologist. But good news – I’ve registered with a GP on the island and should be having an introductory registration appointment next week. I thought you’d like to know.

Mm-huh. I’m living in Port St.Mary on the Isle of Man in a shared house on the promenade -and yes I have a bay view from my window. You can check out my Facebook for a few pictures and some videos. I’ve not prepared anything for today – okay I’ll find one. Just for you. The sailing boat was just out in the bay in front of me.

I’m working for SUMT here -which stands for Scripture Ministries Ministries Trust, a Christian organisation which works in almost every school on the island introducing faith and supporting young people in schools in a number of ways. You can check out the SUMT webpage for more info. My role as Secondary School Worker means I’m working in secondary schools, helping develop younger Christians as well as being someone that anyone can chat with about faith, my faith or what Christians believe, and encourage questions and wonderings. Hopefully I’ll write more about things happening here and actually gt back into writing again!

A quick catch up though. Accident in May 2016 in Tonbridge, Kent; recovering and progressing for the following months up until December in Coningsby, Lincolnshire, when I joined a local theatre production company as a production assistant and we toured all over the UK with a version of Christmas Carol. It was epic. Amazing people and lots of fun, we travel thousands of miles – I did keep a record of places we went to but I didn’t list and therefore add up all the miles. Oh well. Also I had a vitamin D deficiency sometime before and during the winter and so I was mega slow and lethargic and not doing well. It’s great, the whole healing and recovering process is not linear at all – it goes up and down, as does my mood, and abilities.

So back to now..?

Okay. So I’ve been reflecting quite a bit about last year. It’s amazing the images and what-ifs that some light pondering can create, and scary what some deeper thinking may bring up. Dangerous too. I’m not living in the past but these scars aren’t going to go away. I’ve been fortunate to be shaped again, I’m clay in the potters hands, and the thinking, prayer and conversation I’ve been having with God has been intense at times and at other times it feels like I’ve been staring at the inside of these walls half-forgetting who God actually is. Yahweh. The great ‘I AM’, truth and absolute reality. If those few words don’t get you shouting out praises, or fall to your knees in awe, then consider what those words actually mean to you. What is truth? What is real? What is reality? What actually is eternity? Where did I come from? Why am I here? What about the Earth and then to the vast expanse of the universe? Do you ever wonder anymore, or are you simply existing? If you cease to wonder, do you exist at all?

I am not back to normal, or back to a place where I was before my accident. But I don’t intend to either. I’m not looking to becoming the past-me, but eager to keep stepping forwards -to be shaped, transformed even, into the person that God intends me to me. However long I have left to do that doesn’t matter, days, years. Sometimes I can walk, sometimes I can just about drag myself forwards and sometimes I know I’m being carried because there isn’t an ounce of strength left in me – it’s totally dependant on God. And that is far greater than being able to run, walk or climb without knowing Him any better.

Go on, get philosophical. Ask questions. Wonder. Do it. Just pause for a moment. Better yet, go and wander and wonder. It’s amazing.

As for a general update this is very short considering the months of silence. There’s a lot I haven’t said, as you probably expected. I don’t want to hold back anything from you – I love sharing with you. So there will more opportunities for us (me) to talk about all areas of life, and my new life here on the Isle of Man. Why not leave a comment?

I’ll write soon.

Peace.